I'm in the process of reading Jon Ronson's The Psychopath Test. While I remain convinced that I am not a psychopath, it is certainly unnerving just how many genuine psychopathic traits I do possess (the test refers to a checklist by Dr. Robert Hare). One such trait, which has been causing me some degree of trouble as of late, is that of my need for constant stimulation.
I can think of an endless amount of activities that I could be throwing myself into, tasks that need completing, or goals that I could be fulfilling. Unfortunately, none of them seem worth the damn time or energy. Ultimately, it seems I'm more comfortable wasting time. I've completed my work for the semester (save for my End of Semester Report), so perhaps no longer having the familiar cloud of scholastic guilt hanging over me is making me restless.
Should I be concerned by this? I've not experienced an anxiety attack in several years, but I feel schoolwork, plus my day job, plus my night job, all have one due for me eventually. In the meantime, while I wait for the next semester, I fly through books and readings that would otherwise take me twice as long. I'm twice as productive, and yet half as satisfied.
Will anything ever balance out? Probably not. Is that kind of contentment even worth seeking? I can think of a few very friendly, sandy-haired, but delusional individuals who might say "yeah, dude, totally."
My sole objective at this point, aside from completing my End of Semester Report and showing up to work on time, is to take a Christmas picture. Every year, I don a Santa Claus hat and a homemade sign that reads "Merry Christmas" in the requisite colors. The picture is sent out to friends and family as an annual postcard of my mother and father's. I've been photographed in such locations as the Empire State Building, the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame, Vero Beach, Wawa's corporate headquarters, a Philadelphia Union game, and so on. Under normal circumstances, the picture would have been taken well in advance of the holidays. It is now November 11, and we've yet to take a picture.
I voted for Palatka, but everyone else seems to think Orlando would be a more savory option.
Oh, I also need to work on my comedic timing, and just being funnier in general. People seem to judge humor and the business of it harsher than just about anything else. You know the people in control of society are psychopaths when the top-down priorities are arranged in such a way.