Friday, March 1, 2013

"I'm offended"

"I'm offended."

And I just burped. Why should I care? No one ever seems to have a very compelling reason. It certainly depends on the context of the situation, but merely expressing that your sensibilities have been offended is about as meaningful as saying "I have thoughts and feelings on this issue." Okay? So, what are they? Why are you offended?

Someone once tried telling me that it is not the offended party's responsibility to examine the things that offend them and why they're offended by those things. That offended me, but I attempted to reply with something of substance. If you want to be a spineless reactionary twat, that's your prerogative. You just need to understand that it's a weakness of the mind to refuse to attempt to understand the things that bother you. You're essentially whining that you have a problem, and what's worse than the high-pitched and obnoxious manner in which you are whining, is the high-pitched and obnoxious manner in which you refuse to actually fucking do anything about it.

So, now that we have that out of the way, The Oscars...

My two highlights of the aftermath were Amy Davidson's claims that Seth MacFarlane was being sexist (you know, in his comedic commentary on sexism in Hollywood), and that The Onion is HORRIBLE, FOUL, DIRTY, AND NO GOOD for apologizing when they shouldn't have (or for calling a little girl a "cunt," but you can already tell which aspect I'm more upset about).

Yes, a blogger for a magazine whose name rhymes with The Jew Porker (a magazine which I bear no bitterness towards whatsoever), Amy Davidson, decided that she would completely ignore the context through which Seth MacFarlane's hosting of the Oscars most properly be viewed, that being reality, and declare him misogynistic. She described him as being "self-satisfied," which I thought was a very poignant example of projection on her part.

Ultimately, this uptight sourpuss could not comprehend the satirical nature of MacFarlane's delivery. This is an all too common side-effect of lacking a sense of humor.

What really pumped the blood to my hate erection, however, was The Onion's apology for calling Quvenzhane Wallis a "cunt." Congratulations, Quvenzhane, I would have neither heard of you nor cared about your existence had it not been for The Onion twitter handle's mockery of our universal adoration of children in cinema (whom we subsequently stop giving two shits about once they become adults, good luck with the rest of your life).

Am I uncultured for not having heard of her or the film she featured in prior to the ceremonies? Probably. But at least I'm not obsessed with the life of a nine-year-old simply because she's in a film. At a glance, I thought The Onion's tweet was chuckle-worthy. It was, after all, a live tweet. It was buffered by countless other live tweets. Under the pressure of no one in particular (though I'm sure a lot of Amy Davidson's mouth-breathing readers were tweeting with rage, which, in fairness, is probably a normal day for them), The Onion promptly apologized. If they'd apologized for their moment of being less-than-funny, I'd buy it. But no. They apologized for jokingly calling a nine-year-old a 'cunt.'

"But Ben, how can she possibly understand the joke?" I don't know, probably the same way in which she understands every single aspect of the movie she's in. Why are we so worried about confusing our children, anyway? Isn't confusion an integral part of allowing a mind to develop? "But Ben, why did they have to say 'cunt,' why not any other word?" Well, it seems you've answered your own question. You give the word power with your feigned recoiling, so it magically becomes super-duper offensive. If you're really that offended by the word 'cunt,' you probably are one.

Oh, and if you think 'cunt' is anywhere near comparable to 'nigger,' I'd like you to imagine one woman calling another woman a 'cunt' out of anger. It maintains its power and sentiment just fine. Now, imagine a black person calling another black person a 'nigger' out of anger. I'm sorry, it just doesn't have the same sting as it does coming from the ignorant mouth of a white racist. If anything, it's antiquated. Black people reclaimed the power of the word 'nigger.' Woman have not reclaimed the power of the word 'cunt,' because its power lies beyond the distinction of gender.

Now, the above bit is definitely something I'd love to discuss further with any open-minded participants. Meanwhile, The Onion jokingly called a young actress a bad word, and it's nowhere near as bad as people are making it out to be. The end.

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