Sunday, April 28, 2013

HEY I HEARD MINNESOTA IS COLD IS IT COLD? I HEARD IT'S COLD. YUP I THINK IT'S COLD.

I feel that, lately, I've been walking the ever-narrowing line between goofy and crazy.

My work hours compel to eat lunch a lot later than I've become used to, so maybe that is the sole contributor to my madness. Or maybe not.

I'm always trying to find time to read/write/do what I'm in GRAD SCHOOL to do, but other obligations/distractions continue to feast away at my focus. My girlfriend is now living with me (Flagler needs those dorms empty at the termination of the semester ASAP, so they can sit empty for months and get cleaned at the last minute...you know, the BEST kind of clean...C-C-Cocaine!), and our living quarters are a bit cramped.

Oh, and we now have a cat. His name is Former President Andrew Jackson. Of course, I named him. What kind of question is that?

DOUBLE OH, Tiffany is not only done at Flagler, she has GRADUATED. On top of that, she's been accepted to every graduate program she's applied to. I happen to think that's pretty awesome, and I'm proud of her. She'll be pursuing her MFA at Hamline University, which is in Minnesota, and I'M NOT SURE BUT I THINK IT'S COLD UP THERE HURP DURP MCGUIRK. (Yup, everyone she tells feels compelled to let her know that it gets cold in Minnesota. As if she didn't just graduate college. As if she's not pursuing a Masters of Fine Arts. As if no one knows anything else about that state. Granted, all I knew was that it has a huge mall, tons of lakes, twin cities, and relatively relaxed cannabis laws.)

But I'm still going insane. I completely bombed Friday night. No, not homemade-explosives-at-a-marathon bomb, I mean I bombed on the Comedy Walk. I did much better on Saturday, albeit for a much smaller audience, but I essentially used the exact same delivery with the exact same jokes and achieved a much more positive result. I suppose I can conclude that a great deal of my insanity is probably caused by my insatiable desire to please people, even if I simultaneously want to eradicate their existence from the fabric of reality.

Seriously, some people just aren't satisfied by anything, and occasionally they travel en masse. The last I'll say about it is that my coworkers and I have noticed a trend: people who pay via groupon (or any other discount/coupon service) tend to suck a lot more than other customers. It's not exact, and there are exceptions to every rule (should we decide this is even a rule), but it seems like maybe seventy percent of groupon customers show up with the object of expressing disapproval with any given service rendered.

I'm more prone to screaming and lashing out. I bite my hands and my fingers to calm myself down. I'd bite my tongue, but I need it to eat and drink (ALL THE BEERS). The Union (my favorite soccer/football team stateside, for those who aren't subjected to my obnoxious Facebook posts) have been basking in mediocrity. The manager, John Hackworth, seems content with starting lineups that lack fluidity and basic abilities. Fucking thing sucks.

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