Thursday, September 5, 2013

Parking (Please Try Harder)

I saw this on the window of a van downtown: http://www.amazon.com/Please-Not-Park-Within-Feet/dp/B00635GSYI

For those who cannot be bothered to click on links, it's a handicapped sticker that reads "Please Do Not Park Within 8 Feet."

When I say it's a handicapped sticker, I mean that it comes with a "handicapped" symbol and implies a wheelchair or other such device requires an eight foot clearance (from, presumably, the side of the vehicle upon which the sticker is placed). I don't intend to say that the sticker itself is in some way deficient, but I will anyway.


First, I don't think I'd be compelled to read the bumper sticker unless I am already within eight feet of the sticker (which I was). Second, most people probably can't read the sticker unless they're within eight feet of it, so you're already asking quite a bit. Third, don't you already have your handicapped hanger tag/handicapped license plate? Don't you already get that amount of clearance when you park in a designated handicapped spot?

To be clear, I've not been inconvenienced by handicapped drivers (or in this instance, parkers) at all. But I'm hard-pressed to imagine a situation in which such a bumper sticker would be necessary. I GUESS it's more polite than taking up two parking spaces (I've been tempted, on numerous occasions, to take my keys to the finish of such vehicles). I GUESS I'm a huge asshole for even bothering to base a rant off of this sticker.

But hey, people thought "Baby On Board" was a good idea. Until one of you convinces me otherwise, I'm going to keep on thinking this is equally pointless. I get it, you're handicapped, and that's an inconvenience. But so is finding out you have an ethical obligation to pass up on the one parking spot left in the lot (just so that some other inattentive schmuck will take it up without seeing the eight-foot radius sticker).

I have lots of bumper sticker ideas, one of which is "Raw Deal? Please Try Harder!"

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