Friday, November 22, 2013

Facebook Hiatus


You might remember me. I'm that guy with the facial hair who likes soccer. I also enjoying espousing my political beliefs, sharing memes I find amusing, and 'liking' your pithy statuses. On more than one occasion, I've been called a bigot, an asshole, a fat ass, an ass, etc., you get the point.

I've been gone from Facebook for roughly a week. I'm not exactly sure how long it has been, as that is the nature of the oblivion my life has become since attempting to kick such a nasty social habit.

Actually, I'm kidding. My life has not fallen into oblivion, it's been five days, and I had no delusions of kicking this habit.

You may have noticed my absence, but you probably haven't. I'm assuming you haven't, because I supposedly have 564 Facebook friends (I think I lose some every week), and there's no way in hell I'd notice if most of them suddenly stopped posting.

Tiffany and I challenged each other to give it up for a week, but I've been cheating. I've looked at my newsfeed many times, but have successfully resisted the urge to interact. I know I must seem like a real wimp for coming back so soon, and I am. But after five days of not telling anyone else anything on here, I HAVE SOMETHING I'D LIKE TO TELL YOU!

Stop. Seriously, just try it. Give it a break. Give it up for one day. It's amazing. Coming back will feel much better. Or don't come back. All I can really articulate regarding my "experience" (insert heavy sighing) is that Facebook is not only narcissistic (you knew this), but as cynical as Milton's Satan.

I know it's not just the pages I 'like.' Trust me, I've seen your shit too, guys. It's overwhelmingly negative. You think you know this already, but I'll merely disagree.

And that's really the worst thing I could do, right? I disagree, and how awful is that?

I'm sure the media is more responsible than anyone else, but I'll save that rant for another day. As my internet derived cynicism inclines me to think, you've already declared this deserving of a TL;DR.

Facebook can be used for good, and that's why I'm back. I anticipate participating with less frequency, and I challenge you to not only do the same, but to hold me to it.

Now it's time for me to go make middle America chuckle.