Sunday, November 30, 2014

Shut Up, Drink Your Whiskey, and Read Your Damn Book

I can't help but think that the world would be a better place if more people would drink whiskey and read.

"Oh, so you think the world would be a better place if more people were more like you?"

Ah, fuck. Yes. Well, who wouldn't think that? Wait, no. No.

I am often the first to point out my own flaws, unless Tiffany beats me to it. I have an MFA in Creative Writing but I'm really not the best at grammar or punctuation. I played sports for the majority of my life but I have a beer belly and I oversleep. I'm self-deprecating, meaning I draw attention to my flaws and poke fun at them in a "see, we're not so different" kind of way. But not everyone appreciates self-deprecation, mostly because of the "see, we're not so different" part. If you can laugh at yourself, you essentially suggest that selves are things to be laughed at. Humorless people take offense to this.

I feel more of us would have a better sense of humor, and a better sense of self, if we were to spend $10 at the liquor store and then spend around that much at a book store.

"But books don't come with comment sections!"

I know, and you're responsible for marking the page where you left off. What's worse is that trees are dying so that you can be educated. You love the troops who fight for your freedom, don't you? Well, what of the trees who die for your knowledge? How dare you let them die in vain.

I guess I'm not really making much of a case for either drinking whiskey or reading. Who cares? Most of the shit you read nowadays is equally substantial. And by "nowadays" I mean the days where anyone can write a thing, and so long as it stokes the confirmation bias of the reader, it be accepted as Gospel.

Which reminds me, what the fuck is up with those Gospels?

What have I just gone and done?


Wednesday, November 12, 2014

"Entitled Generation"

I'm running out of shit to write about.

Actually, no. I'm running out of shit to write about with any degree of coherency. With most topics, I am thrown into a fit of frothing rage.

"Ben, you're so hateful."

Yeah, I take way too much far too seriously. One of my biggest pet peeves happens to be people who take things too seriously. So perhaps you can see the pickle I've found myself in.

I saw an article in my newsfeed earlier today about a girl who wants it legally mandated that her parents pay her college tuition. I read through the comments, because I'm a masochistic self-loathing prick, and of course I was furious. Why wouldn't I be? Most people are fucking idiots, and they're proud of it. This is on full display in the comment section of most any given news article posted on Facebook. Anti-intellectualism has slowly been destroying this country's collective mindset since before I was born.

But of course I am a part of the "entitled" generation. How convenient for the generation that preceded us.

 I went to read the article in question, but Facebook bugged out, and then I couldn't find it afterward. I searched Google, and every relevant hit I got was from March of this year. As of right now, that's eight months ago. Perhaps the whole post, and ensuing comment section, was a hallucinatory product of my ever broadening psychosis. Maybe I read it eight months ago, blacked out, forgot, and had it come rushing back to me in a fever dream of paranoid delusions.

Either way, none of the most-liked comments (or really any at all) focused on the very real issue of rapidly growing student debt. But we don't value education (which is ironic, because of how expensive it is). We value whatever makes money, and whatever allows us to feel better than people who aren't making enough money. We are soulless corporatist monsters and we deserve to be obliterated and roundly mocked upon Christ's return. And that's your god, not mine.

I will stop and say right now that I'm supposed to be avoiding comment sections. Tiffany, in her infinite and angelic wisdom, has mandated this. But I'm a giant asshole who doesn't know a good thing until it's far too late, so of course I have a hard time listening.

People love to wag their fatty fingers at whatever they perceive to be the root of all evil. If you believe the fascist propaganda of the right wing media machine, it's obviously anyone who voted for Barack Hussein Obama. I like to include his middle name the same way they do, only for different reasons. I think we should embrace our inner and outer freak. I think we should stop trying to avoid scaring the living shit out of the most hateful, petulant, and downright dumb brand of Republicanism this country has ever seen. Remember, they're the same party that held the Union together, and all those people are dead now.

The bottom line is twofold. First, I must stop reading the comment sections, especially of articles I haven't read. Second, anyone who blames a generation for any current issue is not to be taken seriously. Give me any generation prior to this one, and I can characterize them as being something far worse than entitled. For example, you have the previous generation, who in their cocaine-induced haze of taking the mantle from THEIR parents, thought Reagonomics sounded viable.

And they still think that, despite decades of having been proven wrong. So for real, fuck them. And double fuck them for having the nerve to call anyone else entitled, when they seem to be so "entitled" to the idea of taking absolutely no responsibility whatsoever for the context of the shit situation we're stuck in right now (that only partially being crippling student debt). But it's not all of them; it's not even close. So this conversation isn't very helpful, is it?

Hell, even the generation that fought in World War II isn't clean. First and foremost, the racism and misogyny is impossible to ignore. And it took you gentle geezers HOW long to figure out what Hitler was really up to? But again, I'm not being fair at all, and that's my point, so kindly shut your trap.

Okay, I feel a little better now. Not really, but a little.