Sunday, November 30, 2014

Shut Up, Drink Your Whiskey, and Read Your Damn Book

I can't help but think that the world would be a better place if more people would drink whiskey and read.

"Oh, so you think the world would be a better place if more people were more like you?"

Ah, fuck. Yes. Well, who wouldn't think that? Wait, no. No.

I am often the first to point out my own flaws, unless Tiffany beats me to it. I have an MFA in Creative Writing but I'm really not the best at grammar or punctuation. I played sports for the majority of my life but I have a beer belly and I oversleep. I'm self-deprecating, meaning I draw attention to my flaws and poke fun at them in a "see, we're not so different" kind of way. But not everyone appreciates self-deprecation, mostly because of the "see, we're not so different" part. If you can laugh at yourself, you essentially suggest that selves are things to be laughed at. Humorless people take offense to this.

I feel more of us would have a better sense of humor, and a better sense of self, if we were to spend $10 at the liquor store and then spend around that much at a book store.

"But books don't come with comment sections!"

I know, and you're responsible for marking the page where you left off. What's worse is that trees are dying so that you can be educated. You love the troops who fight for your freedom, don't you? Well, what of the trees who die for your knowledge? How dare you let them die in vain.

I guess I'm not really making much of a case for either drinking whiskey or reading. Who cares? Most of the shit you read nowadays is equally substantial. And by "nowadays" I mean the days where anyone can write a thing, and so long as it stokes the confirmation bias of the reader, it be accepted as Gospel.

Which reminds me, what the fuck is up with those Gospels?

What have I just gone and done?


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