Saturday, June 6, 2015

Against Piss Testing

I'm against piss testing.

And that's what it is, by the way. If it were "drug testing," you'd be testing drugs. But no, you're testing urine, piss, for drugs, so it's piss testing. I'll be discussing the kind that is done for employment purposes. The piss testing for public assistance gets its own post.

How dare you? If your only method of deciding between two otherwise "equal" candidates is to (and I'm paraphrasing Doug Stanhope here) judge how much fun they have on weekends, then you're just straight up lazy. Not only are you lazy, you're sociopathic about it.

"But people might get high on the job." Oh, the horror! Might they? Might they also get drunk on the job? Might they masturbate on the job? Might they press their thumbs ever so rigorously into your trachea until it snaps and then eat out your dumb fucking eyeballs on the job? Yeah, there are a lot of things that might happen on the job. Of what relevance is any of that?

"But think of how tough it must be for employers in such a competitive job market." I know, man, those poor, poor employers. It's almost as inconvenient as having multiple offshore accounts to hide your millions of dollars in untaxed income, am I right? So, no, I don't really care how tough it is for employers to judge employees based on character and merit rather than the presence of tetrahydrocannabinol in someone's urine. I don't care because you (and they) don't care how tough it is for workers, and no one ever seems to think they are obligated to care, because, hey, it's "business."

"Not every business owner is rich, Ben." Yes, but you're missing the point that we're being asked to have more empathy and compassion for the powerful than the seemingly powerless.

But fine. Keep worshipping money and the people who possess it. You laugh at some douche nozzle preacher named Creflo Dollar, who preaches that if you just give him all your money, you too can some day be rich. But I'm not seeing how that is really all that much different from our current situation. The Republicans like to tell me, over and over again, as they put their dicks in airport glory holes, hold hands with the Duggars, and deny military veterans benefits, that this is a "Christian" nation. I guess if we're talking about Creflo's (per)version of Christianity, they're not necessarily wrong.