Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Geyser of Shit Receives Key Endorsement

WAYCROSS, GA - Leading Rib-rub-rican presidential candidate and presumptive nominee, Geyser of Shit, received another major endorsement today.

Speaking during a press conference at the Murphy Family Hog Farm in Waycross, bubbles of methane gas expressed their support for the presidential hopeful.

"He really speaks to us," said the near toxic levels of methane, "and he does this by simply spraying whatever is on his mind. He's authentic. But he's also a great politician. So he also sprays things to get votes. Basically, he's very reliable. Literally, he's everything we'd want him to be. He's a Geyser of Shit, after all, what else would you expect?"

Geyser of Shit accepted the endorsement and thanked the methane bubbles live at a nearby rally via webstream-of-feces.

"FFffffffuutttt pufftttt tupppp pllllurrrrrrrrrrrrd. Great!"

The speech was briefly interrupted by a scuffle between protestors and the Geyser's supporters. Consisting mostly of flies and dung beetles, the audience applauded vigorously as Geyser of Shit ejected putrid fecal matter in the direction of everyone in attendance.

"They're haters! They're haters! They're haters! They're haters! Glooooorrrryyyyyy to the booowwweeeellllllsssssss fffffffuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrddddd pllllffffftttttt."

Meanwhile, at the press conference, Seamus Murphy took the stage to speak glowingly of the candidate.

"Sure, he sprays some vile stuff. It's spewed all over the country, it gets in our faces and even our mouths, and the stench of it permeates our homes and almost every waking moment of our lives. It's nightmarish, and at this point, inescapable. But have you looked at his tax plan?"